When in Doubt Scribble

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One of the most unreal aspects of the
intuitive painting process for me is that during
the process of painting out your soul
you hit a wall.

Now it’s your soul, so how can you be hitting
a wall painting you?  Seems illogical, seems
untrue in a way, seems bizarre.
Well it happens because of
that big ugly critic called FEAR.

I’m not good enough, not worthy enough, not
whatever the heck it is at that moment, the house
isn’t clean, I haven’t walked the dogs yet, grocery
shopping, laundry, picking up kids,
whatever; it’s enough to make
you stop in your tracks.

Now the best, most true thing about intuitive painting is
that the process is EVERYTHING and the outcome
is irrelevant.  Doesn’t matter what the painting looks
like at the end. As long as YOU take YOU it to it’s completion.
So the FEAR shows up for a reason and it’s up to you
and your soul to figure out what it’s all about.

So yesterday I was painting and trying to get into the
energy groove and hit that wall.  Oh, can’t do this
without the group, need the vibe of the group,
where are my structures(aka Chris my wild
heart centered hawk guide), my tribe pals
that help us all feel the buzz in the room.

I froze and thought this #$#@$#@%$!!!!

I couldn’t move through color(which is what
usually first grabs me), nothing was moving.
I was inert until I grabbed a pencil and used
my frustration and fear to just scribble,
scribble all over the painting.
I began to feel the tension melt away
and the energy to begin once more to
simply glow inside.
I glopped some more paint onto my palette
and started again.

This one’s not done yet, much more to go
it’s whispering in my ear, but at least it’s humming.
I can go back to it with brush and tempura and
let my soul lead the way.

When in doubt(FEAR), scribble…

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