And The Seasons

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“And the seasons, they go round and round
and the painted ponies go up and down, we’re
captive on the carousel of time.  We can’t return
we can only look behind from where we came
and go round and round and round in the circle
game.”

One of my favorite songs, my favorite artists
Joni Mitchell and the song Circle Game.

Friday my Mom would have been eighty seven.
Friday my son’s shop celebrated a one year anniversary.
Friday Steph had a wedding anniversary.
Friday my herb teacher Tommy Priester had a birthday.

September 17th has many meanings to me and new one’s like
Steph’s anniversary are revealed.  I am always going
round and round on this day.  My Mom has been gone
since I was 25 and I am roaring towards 55 myself.
Almost 30 years, I cannot sometimes believe it, it can’t
have been that long.  The Mom my son never knew.
The Mom who fades away with each passing year.
I can hear her words in my head and see her in pictures
but seeing her alive gets harder all the time.

Here she is as a little girl, probably about three.
She lived through her Father dying when
she was eight and the Great Depression.
She lived through and with a Mother
who struggled each day to take care
of three kids.  She lived through her sister’s death
from leukemia at 22.  She never gave up, she
never gave in and even when cancer took
her strength away, she tried to smile every
day and she still told me what for and what to do.

I learned many lessons about Motherhood from
her and that people aren’t perfect, we are human
and each day is a gift so use it wisely. I am her and
not her.  I look like her, have freckles, am stubborn,
believe that no matter what truth and honesty are the most
important things we need to survive in this world,
and that if we live our lives with integrity, we will
pass on good things to the world.  But we are
different women.  As smart as she was (she worked on
Enigma during WWII), she would never have dared to
put herself out there the way woman are doing today.
I think the restraints of convention kept her in check
and I have often wondered who she would be now,
in her fifties today.

She was a fabulous dresser and one of those
folks who matched everything.  From the hat,
to the gloves, to the shoes, she put it all together
with flair. (I am not that woman, and that’s okay by me.)
She never really understood the little girl who would
rather play in the mud than wear the frills so I guess
in that way I disappointed her. Hopefully she is in
touch wherever she is now and sees that I am happy,
and that who I am is okay.

So the seasons they go round and I had lots to celebrate
on her day, so I shall celebrate each day and try to keep
the fleeting nature of life in mind, hate to miss something.

Six

This is what showed up.
This is her gift.

Comments

  1. I have a pic of my mom standing by a chair of a similar age – your Mom looks so lovely. I think sometimes that when a person doesn't want to do or behave like the one they're looking at the feeling comes across as dissapointment, but really they could be thinking 'wish I could do that but I'm constrained by…something' or they feel fear, so it's up to us to realise they love us anyway. If they can't see we are the way we are then that's, in the words of my friend Jetta "entirely their problem" Can you tell I've been thinking along these lines myself for a while? Give yourself permission to know your Mom would be so proud of you, to have managed all these years, & more. Stand tall & you won't need tummy control! (maybe I should have sent you an e mail, sorry!) 😉

    '6' is great as are your wonderful flowers!

  2. La Dolce Vita says:

    what a great tribute to your mum and also to yourself …the wonderful daughter/mother that you turned out to be… and a great friend I might add!! your circles piece says it all and captures the kaleidoscopic swirl of the song as well! well done!! xoxxo

  3. that's great! I'm sure your mom is watching you and is proud to be your mom! I'm not to sure where our people are but I can feel my husband's presence at times! wierd,I guess but its ok!

  4. Oh, Corrine; what a wonderful tribute to your mother and I love the artwork that goes with it!
    The older I get, the more I understand my own mother; appreciating her good sides and looking past the not so great ones, like we do with our friends.
    I am sorry you lost her so young, but even though you are not her, she is in you; not just in your face and personality but also in your heart and soul.
    I too am a strong believer in living every day the best you can and that we live on in the hearts of family and friends and the stranger on the train who needed someone to talk to and the one who needed help reaching the right bread at the grocery store.

  5. This is a beautifull post ,dear,
    full of love and understanding-
    I`m sure your mom, can look down and be so happy with whom you are today.
    xo,Dorthe

  6. How strange—the word verification on my comment to you -was : Inger– that is my mothers name—- she is still alive -87- —
    Hugs,Dorthe

  7. oooh I remember this song, Corrine…brings back memories when I'm growing up…STUNNING piece….have a happy week!!

  8. Marilyn Rock says:

    Corrine; this is a lovely post. It's so moving and I loved reading it. In fact, I went back to read it again. Your beautiful artwork, with the circles, certainly depicts your feelings. This is a lovely tribute to your Mom and you! She sounded to be a very strong woman and I'm sure, she's very proud of the woman and person you've become! My mom just turned 90 and I can't believe it! xxoo

  9. Lovely tribute to your Mom. Love the piece and the song!!!!!

  10. Sophie Munns says:

    The artwork is stunning Corrine!
    The Joni Mitchell song a delight…always… and your post so utterly charming yet with the gravitas to make it so poignant in the telling of your mother's story!
    Would not have liked to have missed this… thank you!
    Sophie

  11. NuminosityBeads says:

    Wow, you really expressed this well here. Thanks for sharing the picture of your mom and the picture of her life. I feel as if I have another piece of who you are.
    (from another mud-puddle non put together dresser roaring toward 54 New England gal.)
    Looking forward to Lunch with you next week!
    xoxo Kim

    PS, we eat anything but Dave says beets and eggplant and kimchee are bad for you (which I love)

  12. this piece expresses her and your vibrancy for life..we never die as our soul passes on to the next generation..I think that is why blogging and making art are so good as they will always be around even when we are gone..hugs to you and thanks for sharing your special story

  13. Oh she was a cutie! I am sure she still is. I love this piece that transpired for her. I think she is happy with how you turned out and how you are happy! 🙂

  14. How wonderful is this post Corrine and im sure your Mum loved you for who you are without the frilly dresses xx

    One day i will right about my Mum xx

  15. A wonderful post Corrine…I did enjoy reading it. The photo of your mum is very precious.
    Great circle collage too…..

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